Call us crazy, but we really wouldn't want to see a friend or family member's murder or our own sexual assault case being turned into a freaking musical. But here, apparently, we are, as everyone involved in the shitshow that is the life of Steven Avery will now be exposed to a song-and-dance tale about it all as if the documentary didn't do enough. It's the kind of macabre stuff you'd expect from a Game of Thrones episode, not the year 2021, but then you remember how so many people will choose money over empathy, and it all makes a little more nauseating sense.

A quick recap: Making a Murderer was the true-crime documentary hit series that told the world about the wrongful conviction of Steven Avery for the rape of Penny Beerntsen. Avery served 18 years in prison before being exonerated, only to be rearrested and convicted four years later for the murder of Teresa Halbach. Aces.

Regardless of Avery's guilt or innocence, the whole saga was riddled with all kinds of questionable law enforcement procedures. A big part of the story was the distressing case of Avery's nephew, Brendan Dassey, who is serving time for being an accessory to murder but seems to have been coerced into confessing (and had some real shitty lawyer representation).

And that's apparently what made the developers of the musical excited because, according to them, their production will "examine these actual events through a satirical lens to highlight how a justice system has been so compromised yet can still be allowed to continue to use its powers to victimize the weak and the vulnerable." They also describe it as "a classic Shakespearian story and a twisted fairytale," making it sound nothing like the first explanation but, you know, it's the juice that sells.

Netflix

Holy cow, they’re right. It’s exactly like that one scene from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

But hey, it's the sort of entertainment people apparently want, isn't it? So why stop here? Let's make a musical about how Brock Turner raped Chanel Miller and only served three effin months for his crime. Or how about we go all out and get Andrew Lloyd Webber to adapt that other Netflix true-crime hit, Don't F**k With Cats? We're sure the victims' families and also survivors would have absolutely no problem having their suffering put in heels and makeup and dancing around on stage while belting, oh we don't know, songs called "Remember Me" or "And Then The Cops Messed Up, Again!" while flashing jazz hands. Nevermind that the family of the deceased Teresa Halbach have begged people as far back as the first season of Making a Murderer to stop making entertainment and trying to profit from their loss.

Following some thank God pushback, Making a Murderer: The Musical is said to be back in development, but we're not sure how exactly they think they can make it better. And if any one of you say "Chicago," we will riot.

Zanandi is on Twitter and wrote a comic for Trailer Park Boys that you can order here. 

Top Image: Netflix

 

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