Cracked Archive - News

The Man Who Gambled Away An Accidental $360,000 COVID Relief Payment
Look, if the government wants their money back, it's at Table 3.
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- By Eli Yudin
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Turns Out Babysitting Billionaire Space Tourists Sucks
The fact that they're probably wearing diapers only makes it feel more real.
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- By Eli Yudin
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20
Tech's New Big Idea: 14 Person Dystopian Living Pods
In return for the abandonment of humanity, rent is lowered to $800 a month.
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- By Eli Yudin
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33
El Salvador's President Is Obsessed With Bitcoin
This is why you don't elect a guy wearing a backwards hat.
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- By Eli Yudin
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6
Thailand Is Giving Out Free Weed Plants, Nice
And they deliver? Double nice.
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- By Eli Yudin
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6
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Court Agrees Guy Mike Tyson Punched On An Airplane Kind Of A Dick
Your honor, the man was being an absolute dillweed.
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- By Eli Yudin
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6
Celebrity Activists Need To Break Up With PETA
Just give a million bucks to Habitat for Humanity and take a nap.
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- By Eli Yudin
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35
You Know Things Are Bad When The Government Wants To Talk UFOs
Why would you want to talk recessions and healthcare when ALIENS MIGHT BE REAL!
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- By Eli Yudin
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25
Unfortunately, The WSJ Is Wrong: The NFT Market Is Not Collapsing
The apes will continue until morale improves.
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- By Eli Yudin
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24
Burger King Russia Tried To Ban 'It,' Calling Pennywise A McDonald's Mascot
We all bloat down here. You'll bloat too!
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- By Ryan Menezes
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1
Hero Of The Week: Woman Recovers Stolen Ancient Statue… From A Goodwill
Old Frasier t-shirt, weird rusty colander, uh, centuries old roman bust?
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- By Eli Yudin
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4
TurboTax Caught Scamming, Pays $141M Settlement: We Love To See It
Inject this feeling of justice directly into my veins.
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- By Eli Yudin
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8
Banning Abortion Will Finally Allow The Antichrist To Rise To Power
All will be as the Good Word predicted, and as it should!
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- By Eli Yudin
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71
Bots Are Ruining Your Google Results (Best Coffeemaker For 2022!)
Looking for the best coffeemaker of 2022? Look no further!
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- By Eli Yudin
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4
A City In Kansas Just Made Roommates Illegal
And not for leaving oatmeal out for a week.
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- By Eli Yudin
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4